Sorry, Android users: Popular online food ordering service Eat24 has determined that you are less healthy on a nutritional basis than owners of Apple’s iPhone. That’s based on data it collected from its mobile app over a three month period, tracking information regarding how ordering habits differed across the rival platforms.

To come to its conclusion, Eat24 first looked at its filters used for narrowing down local restaurant choices. Here, the company found that 27% of iPhone users whittle down their options to only the “Healthy” variety before choosing any other filters. That’s compared to 17% of Android users.

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In defense of the Android faithful, we can’t accept this data as conclusive. Just because someone filters their results to healthy options before doing anything else doesn’t mean they go through with an order of healthy food. That being said, the data is again in the favor of iPhone users: Eat24 customers on iOS are 7% more likely to order vegetables (greens of the fried variety included) than those on Android. Perhaps as a runner-up prize, the company notes that Android users are 10% more likely to order spicy food. To that I say, man up, Apple campers!

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If you’re expecting some shining light for Android users, the final set of objective data Eat24 provides in its report will leave you disappointed. The company found that Android users are two times less likely to order pickup — aka get off their couch and go somewhere — than their iPhone counterparts. Eat24 rightfully notes the other way to look at this, calling Android users “badass king[s] of the couch.”

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Eat24’s comical study finishes up by pulling some totally scientific conclusions from other attributes of the competing operating systems, like what their logos represent and how many health-related apps show up in the first row of each others’ popular apps sections, to name two. Apple, of course, wins in these rounds as well. Now would be a good time to question why on earth each major upgrade of Android is named after a different dessert. So embarrassing.

Anyone can see that this study throws most of its punches at Android while masking the OS’s consolation prizes as wins. Don’t get too mad, though. Eat24 likes to infrequently release these half-joking reports, even saying in the conclusion of this one that the results are “Definitive proof that iPhone users are healthier than Android.” That’s a blatantly false thing to say if only for the small amount of data the company based its study off of, and if you really wanted to you could find other data to paint a story in Android’s favor. How about we call a truce and get to know more about each others’ health-tracking apps over a nice meal — I’ll bring the pizza, you bring a vegetable tray?

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